F= friend, foggy, four

I think it was January 16th 2010, I was at a CAPPA Doula training in Austin with a a good friend. We both left our three children with our husband's for the weekend so we could learn more "birthy" stuff. It was awesome! We both LOVE birth and had basically everything in common. Our husbands deployed at the same time for the first two deployments, our kids were basically the same age and gender, we pretty much had the same story.

It's no surprise that I was so emotional through this because birth and breastfeeding are something I hold close to my heart. We were having a great time learning and talking about birth and breastfeeding with other women who had the same desire to do so. We had dinner just the two of us, with out all six children which was very different and so enjoyable.

But we came to the end of our training and started making our way back to our three kids and husband's but Sarah insisted we make a pit stop, for what? A pregnancy test. But not for her, for me. I was very hesitant because we had been trying for some time and I really didn't want to waste the money and be let down once again. But Sarah insisted, I mean after all she had just found out she was pregnant, so why wouldn't I be too? So we stopped at Wally World and took the pregnancy test right there in there in their bathroom. As she stood outside of the stall waiting for me, I told her it was negative. She wanted to look for herself so I opened the door to hand it over and she yelled, "You're pregnant!" We instantly jumped, screamed, and then hugged. Leave it to two birth loving girls in a Walmart bathroom to do this. I am sure people were wondering what the heck was going on in there.

So after seeing the two lines for myself we headed back out into Wally World so I could find some "unique" way of telling my husband since he didn't know yet. I ended up with a birthday candle number 4, and a card that read something along the lines of, CONGRATS, You did it! Job well done! I thought it fit perfectly since we like to joke with each other and had been "trying" for a little while. After taking Sarah to her home, I headed home to see my kids and husband and break the news to him. So I handed him a little gift bag, with what he thought was a "Thank you for holding the fort down gift." He pulled out the four with a very confused look and started reading the card and just said, "Really?!?!" And gave me a huge hug. It was awesome!

I am trying to start from the very beginning of Knox's existence since I can barely remember his first 6 months. My memory is so foggy, it breaks my heart. It's possible he is my last baby, and I want to try to coax the memories out.

Aiden, from the very beginning I knew there was something special behind those big, beautiful blue eyes, and that big smile, with even bigger dimples. You are sincere and have a heart of Gold. You love with all of your heart and inspire me to do the same. You are wonderfully curious. You seem to be able remember all kinds of facts about things I wouldn't have thought you would even know. But you can never seem to remember where you put your shoes. :) If I would let you have animals, we would live in a zoo. You have an insatiable hunger for learning and we will do everything we can to feed that! You are downright silly. You for the most part tolerate your little brother which is a feat and so what more could I ask? You inspire me every day and teach me to love like I never thought possible. I love you to the moon and back little doodle! I can't beleive you are five years old! I am so thankful for these 5 years and look forward to everyday with you!

Drowning..

Sometimes I feel like I am barely able to stay afloat this thing called wife/Mommy. As of right now and for awhile my husband(active duty Army) works what seems like a million crazy hours and on top of that is taking FIVE (yes 5 classes, working full time and has a wife and 4 kids, how does he do it?) classes. This means I am juggling stuff by myself a majority of the time. I realize it could be a lot worse. He could be deployed and I thank God he is not. But that doesn't seem to make the everyday battle any easier. September was a crazy month for us and things have not slowed down in the least bit. We closed and moved into a new house. Our third child (Jackson) turned two a week labor and I went into labor during his birthday with baby #4(Knox). So I didn't really have the time in that one week to get our new house settled and under control. And on top of all that... Knox had some major health issues. He was failure to thrive for over two months. At 9 or 10 weeks he was only at his birth weight. Well since he was failure to thrive he ate constantly. No exaggeration here. He was attached to me 100 percent of the time. And if I hadn't let him nurse all the time he probably wouldn't have made it. Thank goodness I didn't do the "cry it out." So as you can imagine our sweet little two year old probably hasn't gotten all the attention he needs and deserves. (This is me feeling terrible quilt.) Being the best Mom I can be and giving all of my children is one of the most important things to me. I think I am reaping the affects of that now. He has got the WORST attitude known to mankind. I mean it's really a good thing I birthed the kid otherwise I don't know how I would handle it. I am really not even sure what to do about it, but it is driving my batty! I really don't need to be anymore batty than I already am! ;) So right now I am trying to figure out how exactly to handle him in a graceful, loving manner. And take care of everything else. This should be interesting!

Amazing whirlwind

Our life has always been a whirlwind and that just seems to define us. From the very beginning when we got married, had a baby and Daddy went to war within a 4 day period.

Having said that we just celebrated 7 years of marriage and 7 years of parenting to our sweet little girl, Shayleigh. She amazes me. I know that I am better person for having her in my life.

These are just some things that make her, Shayleigh.

She has one of the biggest, caring, giving hearts of anyone I know. For example, recently she said she wanted to pray for those people that don' have homes, food, warm bed. Well so okay praying doesn't say all that much. Anyone can say they want to pray for someone. But she continued on to say that she wants to take food to them. So now we are going to get together some stuff and take it to the shelter. She always wants to help people. All people. I mean really she's only 7.

She is funny. She has such an awesome sense of humor. And a laugh that is contagious!

She loves to read. And I love that she loves to read. I didn't grow up enjoying books. I wish I had but I didn't. I don't remember having a lot of books that I actually wanted to read. She reads to her little brothers and stays up in bed reading until she falls asleep. So cute!

She has her very own since of style. There may have been a point when I tried to fight that, not anymore. As long as she's presentable I let her choose her outfits. What's the point in fighting it? I want her to find who she is. So if she wants to wear cowboy boots with shorts, so be it.

She loves music, especially Christian music. One of my most favorite things that have happened recently was this. Sean uploaded whatever music we had on our computer to her IPOD and she came up to me and said, “I love this birth music. It's beautiful." If you know how much I love pregnancy and birth you will understand why that just melted my heart. I think she is a little midwife in the making. How did she even know that it was or could have been birth music? It is the song "Amazing" by Janelle. She goes around dancing and singing all the time.

She LOVES her brothers!

She is (pretty much) always eager to help me.

She LOVES to be outdoors. I think she has pretty much always been this way.

She might act shy for a second but can make a friend anytime or anywhere.

She writes notes and I love that.

She's very curious and always wants to know more.

Another thing that she is so very eager to do is cut her hair which is getting very long and donate it to "Locks of Love," so a little girl that doesn't have hair can have hers as a wig.

And she's stubborn.

I could go on and on but that is just some stuff about the little girl who changed my life!

I have decided that I am going to start writing on here, for myself. I want to do this because it seems I can't remember anything. I want to be able to look about and remember all the fun, and not so fun, everyday stuff. I really sometimes think that people who make "New Year's Resolutions" are well, silly. I think well they do it because it looks good or because it's going to help kick them into gear. But way before the beginning of 2011 I was thinking about a million things I would like to change. I pretty much think that all year around. So here are some of the things that I would like to make happen in my little world. So I am now one of “those” people who have New Year’s Resolutions.

My cliché-

Read my bible more! I can always find a reason not to do it. Not because I don't want to or because I don't think that God is the most important thing but because I am honestly just not good about reading. I know that for me to ever get closer to God and learn all about him I have to read his word!

I would like to be the best wife I can possibly be which means there is always work to do. My biggest issue right now is bringing up past baggage, which we have a lot of. My husband is my best friend, partner and soul mate. Seriously. I love him and I want nothing more than to be the Godly wife he deserves. I am also learning how to love him the way God does, which is quite frankly, hard.

Of course the next thing is being the best Mom I can be. This is a daily struggle of mine. I beat myself up over it. Whether or not I am doing enough, doing the right thing, giving ALL of them everything they need, ECT. My husband and I just started this class called "Grace Based Parenting" and I am super excited about it. I think it is going to help me figure out biblically how exactly to be the mother I need to be to raise children who can achieve true greatness. Also something that I feel that I don't do enough is just enjoying them. I am so afraid I am going to look back one day and say I wish I would have just played with them more or just be with them. There is always something to do when you have four kids so that is a constant battle.

Get organized. It may be simple for some people but it is not simple for me. I went from home to having a child at 18 and I never learned organization at home so I have been winging it with my own children. So not only do I want to be organized for myself but also for them.

A picture a day. It seems so simple to me but I have such a hard time with it. I just want to remember my kids the way they are right now. Sillyness and all!

There are a million other things on this list but those are some of the important ones. Now that I wrote a book, I am done. :)